I'm gonna be straight up honest with ya'll here (whomever that is that reads this) - life's been tough lately. I'm not one of those wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve type gals so I tend to smile and wave and when someone asks me how I'm doing say "I'm good ." Put happy pictures up. Say "Amen. God is good" when I'm not sure I've meant it. It's the appropriate response, yes? Because really - most people want to hear that. We don't like to hear ugly/uncomfortable/sad stuff. We like sunshine and smiles & rainbows and unicorns. We don't like their ugly counterparts. Seriously though, the last few months, I've been struggling a lot with joy, and life, and God. What if? Why? I wish...
The reality is that we've had several big life setbacks in the past year and even more so in the past few months. I won't go into detail because the purpose of this post is not to gather sympathy. I know there are bigger, more complicated, and dramatically more difficult lives and circumstances - not only around the world but here in the good ol' USA, too.
A lovely, wonderful, and honestly true friend sent me an article about faith.It brought up the story of Peter walking on the water with Jesus. You know - where Peter walks on the water with Jesus and suddenly becomes afraid and begins to sink because he took his eyes off the Lord and focused on the waves and turmoil? Or that other time when the storm hit the boat with the disciples and they pretty much said "Why are you sleeping?! Lord, save us!" It seems they didn't doubt that the Lord could save them but that the fact that he was sleeping means He didn't care about what was happening to them.
In the midst of all this, I've realized that I am Peter. I have focused on the waves and not the Savior. I am the fearful disciples. I have focused on the what-if scenario where my life capsizes and leaves me drowning. I've accused God of slumbering and of not caring and a host of other negative thoughts/reactions. I don't wanna be like that. I mean where's the gal who wrote this and this? The one who finally recognized suffering and sorrow as part of this world and prayed for God to change her dramatically. I know she's still here but she has let fear take a vice grip on her heart and the result of fear is never freedom.
So here's to freedom - to searching and seeking everyday until God one day finishes the work He started in me.